‘Be still’…No, I’m not talking about my little bundle of energy, Isaac. I’m talking about me, and perhaps you, and to Isaac on a day when he may need it too.
Some people need a traumatic event to trigger it, while others are always on its verge and need only subtle stimuli, or a simple willingness. Whatever it is that causes that pause that gives way to reflection or an appreciation of the moment, is what I call ‘stillness.’ And for me it’s typically a daily occurrence, and a good thing.
Though, when it’s not recognized it can feel odd, and uncomfortable. I find myself here occasionally, and instead of recognizing the moment as an opportunity to reflect or simply ‘be,’ I feel nothing but a flood of misplaced anxiety. If I’m fortunate enough to remember to ‘breathe,’ it’s usually enough to center me, otherwise I frantically try to push on with feelings that I’m ever falling behind.
Today I met someone, and I say ‘met’ only because this was the first time I’d really talked to him other than a casual greeting. I’ve seen him around most days of the six months I’ve been here. And was never sure what to think of him; the way he noticed Isaac and I, his military manner (lack of facial expression), and the occasional detached comment about how great kids are. I was getting the impression he’d just passed the age of having kids, never gave it the consideration needed, and was now regretting it. Well, I was somewhat correct.
He says:
“How are you doing? Nice day. Saw you and your boy playing, that’s nice. Gotta appreciate it while you can, it passes quickly.” And I’m thinking, what does he know about it? but say ‘yes, it does.’
In truth I really didn’t have time to talk but something told me this steely person had something to say. So I fought back my anxiety, and the urge to bolt with a generic greeting and (after stealing a quick glance at the clock), settled myself to listening.
“I’ve always been moving and doing something, so my family usually came second to what I felt I needed to be doing. Of course I didn’t know that then, thought I was doing the family thing too, but had I known, I would’ve shifted the weight of things differently. Because really, once you have a family, nothing else matters as much. Nothing. Gotta appreciate it while you can.”
I’m thinking; he has a family!? Well, I wouldn’t have guessed. He doesn’t look quite old enough to have kids who’ve moved away from home. But perhaps he started young, wasn’t a good father, and now like so many families, they’re hopelessly fragmented.
“and when you get angry, when you get angry, just step back, and tell yourself it’s no-big-deal, because there are so many other things, that are so much more important.”
It wasn’t much, but for the way he said the words (slow and practiced), the way he strained his hands to hold something that wasn’t there, the way he tightened his jaw and got that far off look but fought back the tears to remain present. “Just enjoy every minute.” He felt the words with his whole body and suddenly I knew. I knew this had been his mantra, one with which he’d tormented himself. I asked how long it had been. “Four years, he was fourteen years old, would’ve been 18 tomorrow.”
Now I was the one fighting back tears. It’s a parent’s worst fear, that their children not live ‘long enough.’ He continues, “one day you’re a parent, then you get a phone call, and suddenly you’re not anymore.” Now the lump in my throat was growing as I realized this was their only child.
They’d gotten the news their boy had fallen from a cliff, and though his wife is still having a tremendous time with it, he says “you can’t be afraid to let them explore and live life as they will, just remember to enjoy every minute you have with them”
His words were for me and I’m glad he shared them. He saw a comrade, a parent raising a son, and he clearly ached over missed opportunities. If he were any less reserved he’d be shouting his experience and subsequent enlightenment across the cosmos. “Appreciate it” and “enjoy every minute.”
So in the end ‘to do’ lists, are great! I’ve a ton of them. But whether you have kids or not, take time to remember the things that don’t often make it on those lists, the ‘real’ stuff. Perhaps a different sort of list is in order. One that allows opportunities each day to savor those things that make us better people; remembering something nice about someone we love, appreciate and feel awe of our place in space, that right now, at this very moment, you are alive.
Peaceful Lake Washington
You remember my friend Scott? Well, he started a water polo team here some time ago in which he's quite active, and it's a nice bunch of people too. Prior to this evenings game Scott offered to take Isaac for a ride, though Isaac ended up giving Scott a ride too (as you can see). 
Later, Isaac and I kicked off our shoes and had a nice dinner next to the lake while watching the game. I'd made a roasted pepper and garlic squash soup, and confetti rice which included Isaac's sprouted lentils, onions, mushrooms, and carrots. It was delicious, and some sweet plump raisins, were a perfect compliment.
